Feelings of contement

I am not a very content person. It isn't that I am unhappy all the time but rather I have this inner restless feeling. Matt teases me about it because I love to plan trips and travel. That really helps me a lot. I love my husband, children, farm and life. There is always something more I want or feel I need. But I am realizing that isn't always bad. It keeps me from being complacent. I just need to not dwell on that have not too much. Or the "someday". It is another balance thing with me. Enjoy today but still have dreams for tomorrow so to speak. And to know which dreams I need to pick and choose. Even though I currently don't have a horse I could compete on, I haven't given up the dream, I will again. And with my children. I have plans and dreams for my property to turn it into even more of a paradise than it is. I also want to travel still and see new places. At this point I have given up my dream of being a writer. I am just not as good at it as I hoped. And I have accepted that. And getting published or trying to was not something I enjoyed.

But today? Today I had a strong feeling of contentment and peace. A true "feeling" of thankfulness for what God has given me. And it came when I was holding my cup of coffee and looking out the window.

 My dad and husband working on our garage. They get along really well even though it was a rough road bringing Matt into my family. That is in the past now. And of course behind me was this.

 Two children, painting quietly with a warm fire crackling in the background. I have so much to be thankful for but I am not going to feel guilty for my dreams either. I am just going to hang on to these special moments of contentment while knowing there is more to come. This isn't the end for me, just the beginning.

I support British Columbia Teachers

If you have me on Facebook (which you probably do) then this is no surprise. And for those outside of the BC realm I apologize for my sharing of so many articles about the strike. But you see this strike is important to me. I want public education to be an option for me next year when I send my oldest off to kindergarten. I don't want to be afraid of her slipping through the cracks as the years go bt and us having mountains of homework as I try to keep her caught up with the "smart" kids aka self learners. If that is the case I will home school. And as a home schooled kid that turned out okay (my opinion of course) I am not opposed to that option. But outside of my own investment I know there are many parents who are not cut out for homeschooling. And there are many children who do not have very involved parents anyways and school is an escape for them. That is a sad reality. And while people are not very happy with their kids not being in school right now, a child missing even a year of school is not the end of the world. But we need to consider the long run. Cutbacks and schools closing should not be in our education system. Kids should be receiving the best education possible and that means happy teachers who love their job. A stressed out, broke teacher is not a happy teacher. Well, I guess some might be stressed out and broke and still happy but you know what I mean. 

I could cover all the points made in favour of teachers but I won't. The fact they won two court cases but our government is dragging this out, costing us tax dollars and looking pathetic to a lot of  people is one. The amount of cutbacks that have happened is another. There is a logical and acceptable answer to most complaints the pro-government peeps squeal out. The people who mock teachers and tell them to get a real job or act like the don't do anything of course should all have to spend a month in the current conditions and see how well they fair. Just because you break a sweat at your job doesn't mean you work harder. Anybody who actually wants to see things from the teacher's side will find it easy to do so. And I am not saying the BCTF is all right. But I will say from where I am sitting and what I have heard and read from both sides, I am on the side of the teacher's.

I wish I could be more eloquent on the subject and convey how passionately I feel about this. Me, someone who feels the way we educate children needs an overhaul, is siding with the teachers. I side with the teachers because I side with children. And if anyone deserves our taxes it is our children. So to my teacher friends and family. Hold the Line. I only wish I could do more to help you.

My love hate relationship with Facebook

I love Facebook. And I hate it. I have completely deleted my account and I occasionally deactivate it. It really is quite silly actually

So why do I hate Facebook?

The biggest reason is at times Facebook feels like being on the outside looking in to me. It is like standing outside in the pitch black looking in on a group of friends all cozy inside a warm, well lit home. You can see them laugh and joke and from the outside it looks so inviting and fun. But you are on the outside. They can't see you and you are alone. And the sadness is suffocating at times. I realize I can't be apart of everything. But when I go through  a stage of being apart of nothing that is when I feel this way about Facebook.

Another is regrets. If there is someone who has hurt me or I have hurt them it is hard to see reminders on Facebook through mutual friends. Some situations can't be fixed and Facebook is great for reminding me of that. And even though it shouldn't, being blocked bothers me. It has me questioning how I should behave when my path inevitably crosses the blockee.

Trying to not offend or be offended. This one is hard and apart of my struggle to be the person I want to be. I don't want to attack people for believing differently than I but I also hate being afraid of sharing my beliefs in causes or faith. I know in my head you can't make everyone happy and I shouldn't worry but I also don't want to be an offensive person. I have had to ignore sharp barbs when people post what feels like hate speech towards things I believe in. And I don't want to do that to other people. So for the most part I try to keep my opinions off Facebook. But I can't lie, I am so very opinionated and it is sometimes so hard to do that. I find myself before posting asking myself how this would come across and does it really need to be said. And I also don't want to be wrong on Facebook. Seriously, way to let everyone know how wrong you are. Along with this is the feeling that I can't quite be myself. But, since I don't really know what that is yet, c'est la vie.

Why I love Facebook?

Candy Crush...

I'm kidding. Sorta.

I love seeing updates on my friends lives. Pictures and comments. I like the funnies and the serious discussions. I like being included in events and knowing about them beforehand! I like sharing photos of my children with people who otherwise would never get to see them because they are too far. I like staying in touch with the people I care about and I know care about me. Some of these things can get into why I hate Facebook but for the most part I enjoy it. And I realize my mood and attitude have the most to do with when Facebook brings me down not actually Facebook itself.

So I have decided today not to deactivate my Facebook despite the desire to do so at the moment. I might change my mind again one day but for now I think I will stay around. And the awesome weekend I had camping is just one reason why!