Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

When I was a child if you had asked me my favourite season I would have said winter without hesitation. Winter was about snow forts, snowmen, sledding, board games, parties, Christmas, skating, skiing, sleigh rides, hot chocolate, watching movies, riding my horse through fluffy snow bareback, and Christmas, which I said but deserves to be in the list twice... or more. So many of my best memories were winter memories (that may have to do with the fact that for at least half of my childhood it was probably winter).

Somewhere along the line it is expected you stop liking winter. And that is understandable because as an adult you have so many extra things to do during the winter that aren't exactly "fun".

Like sweeping/scraping and warming up the vehicle before you go anywhere.

Or spending 30 minutes bundling your children up to play outside for 5 minutes.

And then there is the never ending shoveling...

I also have a few extra chores that include packing water to my goats.

(Lucy and Susan appreciate it though)

 And bringing in the wood.

 But even after all this extra work not to mention the cold and road conditions, I still love winter. It may not be my "favourite" season anymore but I just can't hate it like most. I may be done with it by March or concerned when it shows up in September but I live in the North. I choose to live here so I choose to love the snow. I love coming in from outside to a roaring fire. I enjoy seeing my children having fun and building fond memories like mine.

I love knowing that the snow is protecting the plants from winter kill and doing more for replenishing the water table than the rain we get does.

And I love stopping and simply enjoying how the bare, lifeless looking trees become beautiful again.

When it is night and the only light is from the moon are the glow from my yard light or house I enjoy entering into what can only be described as magical realm. I don't possess a camera that can capture it but it is amazing to be outside in my yard at night. The snow sparkles in the dim light and the snow covered trees create a place that seems hidden from the rest of the world. I always take a moment while outside at night and simply soak up the beauty.

That is what winter is for me.

Why a selfie challenge?

It might seem like a strange idea. And annoying. But there is a reason for me behind the selfie challenge. I don't know if I will make it a 100 days. I have already forgot one day. The number was arbitrary. The reason I chose to do this isn't to punish people with seeing my face everyday, or to weed out my friend list. It is selfie shame. The stigma that is attached to taking a selfie. The jokes and judgements that are made about people who do. That moment of hesitation I have always had before taking one. Will people think I am a narc? Will people think it is silly I take this selfie and put it on Facebook? Will they... STOP! Just stop. Why should I worry so much about taking selfies? All the articles that blame them for x,y and reasons. And I definitely should not judge others for doing so. Even if it is mostly just a shot of cleavage. It is their cleavage and if they want to put their cleavage on Facebook I need to turn of my self righteous attitude and stop judging.

I find we live in a society that spends a lot of time analyzing people and their motives. Trying to fix people and also trying to make everyone the same. I don't doubt that one can be too selfie obsessed. But that goes for anything. So that is my reasons for doing this challenge. To let go of my pride and to stop judging others, at least when it comes to selfies.

Feelings of contement

I am not a very content person. It isn't that I am unhappy all the time but rather I have this inner restless feeling. Matt teases me about it because I love to plan trips and travel. That really helps me a lot. I love my husband, children, farm and life. There is always something more I want or feel I need. But I am realizing that isn't always bad. It keeps me from being complacent. I just need to not dwell on that have not too much. Or the "someday". It is another balance thing with me. Enjoy today but still have dreams for tomorrow so to speak. And to know which dreams I need to pick and choose. Even though I currently don't have a horse I could compete on, I haven't given up the dream, I will again. And with my children. I have plans and dreams for my property to turn it into even more of a paradise than it is. I also want to travel still and see new places. At this point I have given up my dream of being a writer. I am just not as good at it as I hoped. And I have accepted that. And getting published or trying to was not something I enjoyed.

But today? Today I had a strong feeling of contentment and peace. A true "feeling" of thankfulness for what God has given me. And it came when I was holding my cup of coffee and looking out the window.

 My dad and husband working on our garage. They get along really well even though it was a rough road bringing Matt into my family. That is in the past now. And of course behind me was this.

 Two children, painting quietly with a warm fire crackling in the background. I have so much to be thankful for but I am not going to feel guilty for my dreams either. I am just going to hang on to these special moments of contentment while knowing there is more to come. This isn't the end for me, just the beginning.

I support British Columbia Teachers

If you have me on Facebook (which you probably do) then this is no surprise. And for those outside of the BC realm I apologize for my sharing of so many articles about the strike. But you see this strike is important to me. I want public education to be an option for me next year when I send my oldest off to kindergarten. I don't want to be afraid of her slipping through the cracks as the years go bt and us having mountains of homework as I try to keep her caught up with the "smart" kids aka self learners. If that is the case I will home school. And as a home schooled kid that turned out okay (my opinion of course) I am not opposed to that option. But outside of my own investment I know there are many parents who are not cut out for homeschooling. And there are many children who do not have very involved parents anyways and school is an escape for them. That is a sad reality. And while people are not very happy with their kids not being in school right now, a child missing even a year of school is not the end of the world. But we need to consider the long run. Cutbacks and schools closing should not be in our education system. Kids should be receiving the best education possible and that means happy teachers who love their job. A stressed out, broke teacher is not a happy teacher. Well, I guess some might be stressed out and broke and still happy but you know what I mean. 

I could cover all the points made in favour of teachers but I won't. The fact they won two court cases but our government is dragging this out, costing us tax dollars and looking pathetic to a lot of  people is one. The amount of cutbacks that have happened is another. There is a logical and acceptable answer to most complaints the pro-government peeps squeal out. The people who mock teachers and tell them to get a real job or act like the don't do anything of course should all have to spend a month in the current conditions and see how well they fair. Just because you break a sweat at your job doesn't mean you work harder. Anybody who actually wants to see things from the teacher's side will find it easy to do so. And I am not saying the BCTF is all right. But I will say from where I am sitting and what I have heard and read from both sides, I am on the side of the teacher's.

I wish I could be more eloquent on the subject and convey how passionately I feel about this. Me, someone who feels the way we educate children needs an overhaul, is siding with the teachers. I side with the teachers because I side with children. And if anyone deserves our taxes it is our children. So to my teacher friends and family. Hold the Line. I only wish I could do more to help you.

My love hate relationship with Facebook

I love Facebook. And I hate it. I have completely deleted my account and I occasionally deactivate it. It really is quite silly actually

So why do I hate Facebook?

The biggest reason is at times Facebook feels like being on the outside looking in to me. It is like standing outside in the pitch black looking in on a group of friends all cozy inside a warm, well lit home. You can see them laugh and joke and from the outside it looks so inviting and fun. But you are on the outside. They can't see you and you are alone. And the sadness is suffocating at times. I realize I can't be apart of everything. But when I go through  a stage of being apart of nothing that is when I feel this way about Facebook.

Another is regrets. If there is someone who has hurt me or I have hurt them it is hard to see reminders on Facebook through mutual friends. Some situations can't be fixed and Facebook is great for reminding me of that. And even though it shouldn't, being blocked bothers me. It has me questioning how I should behave when my path inevitably crosses the blockee.

Trying to not offend or be offended. This one is hard and apart of my struggle to be the person I want to be. I don't want to attack people for believing differently than I but I also hate being afraid of sharing my beliefs in causes or faith. I know in my head you can't make everyone happy and I shouldn't worry but I also don't want to be an offensive person. I have had to ignore sharp barbs when people post what feels like hate speech towards things I believe in. And I don't want to do that to other people. So for the most part I try to keep my opinions off Facebook. But I can't lie, I am so very opinionated and it is sometimes so hard to do that. I find myself before posting asking myself how this would come across and does it really need to be said. And I also don't want to be wrong on Facebook. Seriously, way to let everyone know how wrong you are. Along with this is the feeling that I can't quite be myself. But, since I don't really know what that is yet, c'est la vie.

Why I love Facebook?

Candy Crush...

I'm kidding. Sorta.

I love seeing updates on my friends lives. Pictures and comments. I like the funnies and the serious discussions. I like being included in events and knowing about them beforehand! I like sharing photos of my children with people who otherwise would never get to see them because they are too far. I like staying in touch with the people I care about and I know care about me. Some of these things can get into why I hate Facebook but for the most part I enjoy it. And I realize my mood and attitude have the most to do with when Facebook brings me down not actually Facebook itself.

So I have decided today not to deactivate my Facebook despite the desire to do so at the moment. I might change my mind again one day but for now I think I will stay around. And the awesome weekend I had camping is just one reason why!

The Party Girl in Me

I love a good party. I do not love hosting one. Not because of the work involved but because I care too much of other people's opinions. I am the insecure party hostess. Will people have fun? Will people want to come back again? 

It really is quite silly. When I go to someone's party I hardly am judging their party hosting skills. And yesterday was MY HUSBAND'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. It had nothing to do with me. But of course I try to make it about me by worrying about what people are thinking about my party skills.

Sigh* Cleo Cat says let it go.

So I did. I decided not to care about the interesting mix of friends. Or the amount of food. Or the quality of the food I made. Or how happy the guests were. Because, frankly, having a good time is a personal choice and not up to how awesome I am anyways. But I am awesome. Just to clarify. And I had a great time. And more importantly, the Birthday Boy had a good time. 

I don't know if anyone else has this party insecurity. But if you do I will tell you that as someone who loves going to get togethers, don't worry about your hosting abilities. People will have a good time and if most are like me are not going to be judging your abilities as a host/hostess. Your biggest critic is probably you and if they are that is on them.

The bigot in me.

In the comments section of news articles or blogs I often see people being accused of bigotry. Usually Christians are those that claim to be Christians get labeled this. I decided to go look up the word and see exactly what it means and if it is a word that is related to religion.  And to make sure before I accuse someone else of being a bigot that I am not one.

Bigoted

adjective

1. utterly intolerant of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.

 

Ouch. I have been a bigot and not because of my belief in a higher power and afterlife. Well first off, it is apparent by all the definitions of bigot and bigoted that you can find that being a bigot isn't just for religious people. You can be bigoted about child raising, politics, and pretty much anything. Second, it is the bigot in me that often gets sucked into arguments and feeling indignant when people "don't see the obvious". Obvious to who? Those that share the same opinion as me? 

“The sad truth about bigotry is that most bigots either don't realize that they are bigots, or they convince themselves that their bigotry is perfectly justified.”

― Wayne Gerard Trotman

Or that last part.

I think people can be so afraid of being wishy washy that they think they need to be "utterly intolerant" of others who have a different set of beliefs or world view. Well at least that has been my fear in some areas. Or I just really do think my opinion on some subjects is superior. It can result in name calling and tearing each other down instead of building each other up. Not to mention...

“A man convinced against his will
Is of the same opinion still”  
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People 

So I find myself spending less energy defending my opinion and trying to convince people to think and believe like me. It doesn't mean I am not going share any opinions on any subject it just means I am doing so with the acknowledgement that I could be wrong. But how well I argue a point or convince someone else to think like me doesn't change how wrong or right I am. I only have my own experiences and perceptions to go on. This is another work in progress because I am an extremely opinionated person. The bigot in me hates it.

If a discussion resorts to name calling and the word "bigot" being thrown out then perhaps two bigots have locked horns. Or maybe one is just sharing his or her opinion in all honesty but the other person is intolerant to it. Because while I can't say everyone has a little bigot in them, I would say it is a big part of human nature.

A little less intolerant and a little more love will go a long way. Doesn't mean I have to compromise my own beliefs or opinions or turn a blind eye to injustices. Just means I need to take a step back and examine my own heart in every situation where I may want to let the bigot in me take over.