Pilot Post

Sometimes I find it is easier to start afresh as opposed to trying to pick up where I left off. A lot of water has flown under the bridge since my last post. And it really seems a testament to my failings as a person. In my mind at least. I am never as funny or interesting as I hope to be. Nor do I write as well as I set out to write. But I enjoyed blogging and I gave it up while in a very dark place.

“Well, we all make mistakes, dear, so just put it behind you. We should regret our mistakes and learn from them, but never carry them forward into the future with us.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea 

The past doesn't change and nothing you can do will change it or bring it back. I know that and yet I still hold on to so many things, good and bad, that at times I can hardly breath. And no amount of clever quotes or scripture verses seem to really get through to me. My flaws are the same as they have always been. I am still a bigot (will be posting on this soon) and a hypocrite (this too). I am quick to judge others but defend myself and as a result become very hard on myself though that does sound contradictory. So I know I have a few things I need to change about me. To be the best me I can be. And hopefully writing about these things helps me along the way.

-I need to love myself because if I don't love myself how can I "love others as I love myself" in any way that matters?

-I need to be a better spouse. There are so many things I could do to be a better one and put my equal share into this marriage. As it stands I would say I am on the spoiled side of things. If I had a less forgiving husband and my stay at home mom job was treated as employment I would be fired posthaste. I am not saying this to get validation. I am saying this because it is true and I need to change.

-I need to be a more patient and involved mother. Lots of room to improve in this area

There are lots of things I know I need to change about myself and for me it is easy to be overwhelmed and then change nothing.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”
― Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

I won't promise you, my readers, that my posts will always be about personal growth or self discoveries. I am sure this blog will ramble from here to there and then back again. I can promise you that it will be full of my own opinions, some of which need to be given up. And I can also promise you that there may be the occasional randomness that is truly Heidi Style. There are some things about me I don't really think I can change. So the things I blogged about before: my children, video games and movies; just may end up here.